Are we more than our chemicals?

Drugs scare me. Especially drugs that alter our behavior, feelings, and ways of perceiving the world. And I am not talking about hallucinogens. I am talking about everyday ordinary drugs that your mom might take. That I might take. Uh... that I do take.

I think I have already touched on the fact that without my antidepressant I am irritable, mean, and difficult for even me to be around. I was on hormones for several years after my oophs (as in oophorectomy, or ovariectomy) were removed. Those made a big difference in my behavior too.

And now I am experiencing another mind-altering drug. Prednisone. I have resisted taking it for a long time, but a condition I have called sarcoidosis has flared up to the point it is interfering with my life. I am tired all the time. My spleen hurts. I am short of breath. But being already significantly overweight, I really didn't want to take a drug that would probably make me more so. But my symptoms have just become unbearable, so I called myself in a relatively modest dose of prednisone (10 mg twice a day) and about 7pm tonight, I took my first one.

And at 9pm I suddenly had the urge to clean my bathroom. I couldn't stop there. My floors needed serious vacuuming, so I did it. And the kitchen is always in need of a cleaning, and though my son and his friends had cleaned my kitchen today, I went and finished the job. It is only 10:30 now. When I got home from work, all I wanted to do was fall in bed. Now I feel like sleep is the furthest thing imaginable from my grasp.

I could get addicted to this stuff.

Prednisone. Who'd a thunk it? Anyway, I guess I'll make the most of it while I'm on it. But I do hate being a product of my ingested chemicals rather than my will. I am not the captain of my soul, but only the master of my drugs. So mote it be.